"No, she not dead." She said with a little giggle.

Haddie Bo Bo,

I was upstairs putting laundry away, shocking I know.  Eloise was in her room playing with her train set.  It got very quiet, so I went to look for Elo.  I checked her room she wasn't there.  Then I saw her in your room.  She had gotten out all the poster boards with your pictures, we made for your funeral.  She had set them up around your room all by herself.  I watched her for a moment.  She was talking to you.  Pointing at certain pictures.  "I miss you Haddie Bo Bo."  I walked in and she noticed me.  I asked her what her favorite picture of you was and she point to one of her hold you pretty much by the neck.

"Haddie so happy!"

I asked her, "You miss Haddie?"  

"Yea I miss her." She replied.

"Where is she?" She asked

"Baby, Haddie died and she's in heaven, remember?"

"No, she not dead." She said with a little giggle.

"I'm sorry baby but Haddie died and she is with Jesus."

She walked up to your picture, "Yea she in heaven with Emme (Mimi's cat).  

Then she shocked me and sat down in the chair in your room and said, "Sit down, I want to talk about it." 

She told me s story about you crawling on the ground, and she was running and tripped over your leg, and fell and hit her head.  I don't know if this is a true story but she told it so well.  I then read her the book I made that's from you.  Of course I cried.  This is one of the few books that she actually will sit through till the end.  I told her what a great big sister she is and how much you love her.  I told her that even though you aren't here that she is still your sister and that will never change.  We spent about 40 minutes in your room talking about you. All led by Eloise it was special.

These are some selfies we took in your room

She saw a picture of the two of you laying on your play mat.  This is one of my favorite pictures of you guys together.  She then went over to the play mat that is in your room and laid underneath it and starting kicking and playing with the toys.

It absolutely breaks my heart into a million pieces to watch her grieve and process what has happened.  Why does she have to talk to you in a picture?!?!?  She is 3 she shouldn't have to deal with any of this!  It makes me so angry. You made her a big sister and she is great at it.  At bed time the last few nights the books she picks out are "sister" books.  Her favorites are "Big sister, Little sister" and "Sisters Forever."  She always points out which one is you and which one is her.  After you died this year our fish died, and then Mimi's cat died.  We tell Elo that they are in Heaven with you.  She will talk about her fish being in Heaven and Mimi's Cat.  She knows all too well about death at the age of 3.

Today is 8 months without you and it is unreal that we survived.  8 months ago I couldn't image being here.  It hurts just as bad as it did that day...I think it always will.  I am okay with that pain.  I love you so much.  We pray with Elo every night, "Keep our Haddie Bo Bo safe, and give her hugs and kisses on her forehead."  Then Elo gives Mama and Daddy kisses on our foreheads.

Love you,

Mama