Last night your Mimi came over. Of course we talked about you with smiles and tears. Somehow I started looking at the pictures on her phone. I came across all these pictures of you that I had never seen before. I was so elated! It was like Christmas. It was almost like getting to see you again for a moment.
You were the happiest, smiley, baby around.
I was thinking back on the time around your funeral and how many people came to support us. I think at some point everyone wonders who would come and show support if a tragedy happened. Let me first say I wish this never happened so I wouldn't know. But it did and now I do know how many people love and support us. It truly amazes us how kind, generous, and selfless people have been.
Yesterday I received a package in the mail from a friend I knew in college. We used to have a class together and we would attempt to workout between classes. From what I remember we ended up eating more than working out. We did attend church together every once and awhile. But I haven't really seen her for 5+ years. But when I had you I didn't know it but she was in the same hospital having her daughter. She sent me a scrapbook that she made with pictures of you and beautiful quotes. She clearly spent a good amount of time doing this. Which I know couldn't have been easy with an 11 month old at home. I started sobbing before I even opened the book. Just knowing that someone cares that much about us brings such strong emotion. Thank you friend we are so grateful for your thoughtful gift and I will treasure it.
I am so grateful to receive cards and gifts in the mail. It's so nice to know that people haven't forgotten you and what you meant to our family. But I wish I wasn't getting them because that would mean you would still be here. I wish I was still working. I wish nothing had changed. I wish that day never happened. I wish I would have trusted my gut on so many things and we wouldn't be sitting here trying to live this life without you. I feel like my life is at a stand still and I don't want to move forward, and my world has stopped. But no matter how I feel life moves forward whether I want it to or not. It is so weird when I get invitations in the mail for certain things, or offers of tickets to concerts and such. Normally I would jump at the chance to go to a concert or enjoy certain activites. It's just hard to plan a "happy" activity knowing your not here. I know that sounds strange and people won't understand that, and I probably didn't explain it well. It's just hard to plan in advance a fun activity with out you.
Well with that being said we are off to Detroit this morning to attend our annual work picnic at the Tigers game. I am sure it will be fun. But as always I am missing you and today my heart is aching.
Love,
Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment