2 months.

Dear Haddie Bo Bo,

2 months.  61 days. 5,270,400 seconds, 87,840 minutes. 1,464 hours. 8 weeks and 5 days.  Since I have seen your bright blue eyes.  Since I have held you.  Since I have smelled your sweet smell.  Since you have bit me.  Since you have crawled up me.  Since you have followed me around the kitchen.  Since I have fed you a bottle.  Since I have laid you down to sleep.  Since we have cuddled. Another month has gone by without you.  How is it possible?  In some ways it seems like so very long.  In others it has gone so fast.

When I think about the "lasts" it seems so long.  Now that I look forward to the time I see you again it seems like an eternity and it's only been two months.  Gosh this is going to take forever.  One thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is there isn't a day that I don't cry for you.  That I don't long for you.  That I don't ache for you.  That I don't feel a huge hole in my life.

Yesterday I got a message from a friend from a long time ago.  She started by saying that she wanted to reach out sooner but didn't know what to say.  It is very rare that something makes me feel better. So I was surprised how the words she wrote to me was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.  I have actually read and reread her message because it has quieted my heart when my heart is freaking out.  I hope she doesn't care that I am sharing it but I guess I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission.  :)

I want to you to know I am praying circles around your family. I promise to pray specifically over the details of your day. I will pray for those moments that you can't breathe, that God breaths for you. For those moments you don't even have the strength to move, that God moves you. I will be praying that every day you just get through that day. I will pray for all of your firsts now, I will pray that you never feel that your daughter is forgotten.

Thank you friend.

Haddie the days are still long and hard without you. I don't expect that to change. I just want to be the best mom I can be to Eloise. I want to be the best mom I can be to you. I want to be the best wife I can be to your Daddy.

You are mine and I will always carry you with me.

Love,

Mama