It's a Sacred Memory Now.

Haddie Bo Bo,

I had a dream about you the other night.  It's only the 3rd time I have dreamt about you.  In my dream you were gone and I knew that in my dream.  Somehow I found you in my dream and you were alive.  You were sitting in your car seat just waiting for me.  I picked you up and I don't remember saying anything, but I remembering feeling elated to know you were alive.  Life made sense.

Yesterday I met up with Dave our funeral director.  He is truly amazing and has such a big heart.  I met him downtown Holland at the funeral home.  Before you passed I would drive by that funeral home several times a week.  Never knowing that part of our story would unfold there.  I can't drive by that place without remembering the special time we spent with you there.  I remember being nervous to see you that day because we didn't know what to expect.  But I was anxious to see you because it had been so long since I saw you, held you, rubbed your little head.  I gave Dave a long list of things I want to do with you and he worked so hard to make that all happen for me.  I will forever be grateful to him for taking such good care of you.  God truly orchestrated that day to make it perfect.  

Many places are like that now; they hold new meaning.  Daddy met Uncle Eric for lunch a couple weeks back and when I asked where they went he said, "Boatwerks."  "You did!?" I said completely shocked.  We ate there as a family a week before you passed.  It was our favorite place to eat in Holland.  After dinner we took you and Elo down to the water to see the ducks.  Then we walked over to the park to play.  It was a beautiful night and I just remembering thinking that day that this is how life should be.  I pushed you on the swing and you loved it.  You flashed your toothy grin and giggled away.  It was such a perfect night that I felt it was setting the tone for the rest of the summer.  I am not ready to go back to Boatwerks without you.  It's a sacred memory now.

That's the bittersweet thing, Haddie, we came home from our cruise and you passed 2 weeks later.  Those two weeks were the best two weeks ever.  During that time we spent so much time together as a family making the best memories.  I am so thankful I have those to look back on.  Although sometimes I have to admit I look back on them and I get angry and sad.  They are good times that we spent together but we should be making more memories together.  Your story was cut short.  I look at your videos and you are such a sweet soul, full of life.  You would have down amazing things and I know that you still will even though you aren't here.

You are my angel, my darling, my star, and I know my love will find you where ever you are.

Love you,

Mama