I miss you in life's big things and the small things.

Haddie Bo Bo,

We just got back from taking Eloise to her first Tiger's Game.  As you know your Daddy loves Tiger's baseball and he has been eagerly awaiting the day Eloise would be old enough to take her to a game.  I still don't know if she was old enough but it was an adventure that's for sure.  We made it though 7 innings and we went broke buying snacks to continuously feed her and keep her occupied.

On Friday we attended our first big family event since you left us.  We were all feeling a little anxious about going, but we are glad we did.  Your Daddy's cousin Elyse got married, and it was the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen.  It was outdoors at a park, the weather was perfect, and the bride was stunning.  They chose to include you in their special day by having a rose on the stage that represented you.  It was so touching and absolutely meant the world to me.  I feel the most loved when people remember you.  The bride walked down the aisle to the same song we sung at your funeral How He Loves Us by David Crowder.  Of course I cried and it made me think of you.  But it was a special moment and it was nice to hear it again because it's truth.  It's always a little bit hard to attend events like a wedding because a million thoughts are going through my head.  Starting with I will never see you get married and have your Daddy give you away.  You won't be your sister's maid of honor and she won't be yours. Many other complicated thoughts that I don't know how to put words to at this moment.    

We also had your cousin Kadon's birthday party on Thursday night.  It was so much fun for Eloise because we went bowling.  The last time we were at this bowling alley was for your cousin Lilah's birthday and you were there too.  Oh how I wish you were here for Kadon's party.  I could just see you tearing through all that wrapping paper and of course trying to eat it.  

A lot of life has happened in these last few days.  So a lot of missing you has happened too.  Even though I have such a good time at these events I am always thinking about you and how you should be here celebrating with us.  Spending time away just the 3 of us is nice because we make memories together but at the same time your absence is screaming in my ear and slapping me in the face.  I have a constant pit in my stomach and lump in my throat.  We came home to this quilt that your Grammy made for me she is so very talented.  

It's every outfit that stood out to me that you wore.  Many of them are just as you left them stained shirts and dirty knees and I wouldn't have it any other way.  When I opened it up Eloise saw it and she immediately started talking about you.  These are Haddie's clothes.  She told me about how you use to bump heads, read stories at bed time, and how she used to feed you.  She remembers you...

I miss you every moment of every day.  I miss you in life's big things and the small things.  I miss you while I peel potatoes, when I put Elo to bed, birthday parties, and even when I sleep I miss you.  

I love you...and I will never understand why this had to happen. 

Love,

Mama