Adventures

Haddie Bo Bo,

So some good family friends of ours so graciously let us stay in their cottage up in northern Michigan.  We haven’t really spent much time in northern Michigan before so this will be an adventure.  It’s really our first time spending an extended amount of time away from our house since you passed.  I think it will be ok because we are all together.  As we drove up here I kept looking back at your sister and then over to where your car seat should be.  Even though I know you are gone I still look for you everywhere we go.    

We wanted to do a little get away before we attempt to start our new “normal” this week.  Your Daddy is going back to work on the 1^st, and I know that he is nervous about it.  However, we have decided that it would be best for our family for me to stay home.  How do you drop your child off at daycare when last time I did I never saw you again?  I know that I will never regret staying home with your sister, but I will miss my job.  I was good at it and I have worked for this company for 6 years.  They have been so good to us during this whole time.  It’s just another thing that has to change because you aren’t here.  But as I said in an early letter to you I couldn’t imagine doing the same things when nothing feels the same. 

The other day some good friends from high school had me over for lunch and swimming.  There was a little girl there that is a little older than you.  She had bright blue eyes, and a toothy grin, and of course I thought about you.  She even kicked her legs the same way you did when you got excited.  But what brought me to tears was when Elo was playing with her.  I think that Elo really misses you, Haddie.  She is so young, so she can’t tell me that she misses you, but I can tell that she does. I grieve for the loss she doesn’t know.  The other day she wanted me to read the book, “Sister’s Forever”.  I made it through but with lots of tears.  You won’t be able to play superhero’s together, dress up, or even fight with each other.  I was so excited when I found out we were having another girl.  I had always wanted a sister and I was going to be able to give Elo what I never had.    

I really want to use this time off of work for a project I have in mind.  I would like to write children’s books.  You will be my main character and it will be my way of seeing you grow up.  Of course I have no experience writing children’s books but I have a passion to do it.  So let this new adventure start!   

But as always, Haddie, my heart is heavy because you are not here.  We are in this beautiful place, with picture perfect weather, your spunky sister, and it’s almost perfect. 

Love you forever and always Bo Bo,

Mama