Your Superman...

Haddie Bo Bo,

Today was Father's Day.  Let me tell you something, Haddie, your Daddy loves you so much.  He loved to make you laugh your growl-like laugh.  He really liked it when you would try to get his attention by pushing all the buttons on his lap top.  

"Please don't, Haddie.  Haddie, please don't." He would say.  It was really his favorite.  Your Daddy is also responsible for giving you all of your nicknames: Hads, Hads Bo Dads, Haddie Bo Daddy, Haddie Bo Bo.  

When I was giving birth, you came out in two pushes.  The first one you shot Daddy with a bunch of red fluid, all over his white shorts.  "She shot me!" He proudly would tell everyone.  The second one I reach down to pull you out, because I wanted Mama to be the first touch you felt. 

Your Daddy loves his girls and works so hard to take care of us.  The day we learned you had passed away was the first time I have ever seen your daddy cry.  He was so broken, and he misses you every minute of every day.  He has been so good to me and making sure I am doing ok.  Since you have been gone I have seen a different side of your Daddy.  It was probably always there but maybe I just didn't notice until now.  He holds me while I cry, he prays for us, he tells me he loves me so many times a day I can't even count.  You are so lucky to have him as your daddy.  But I know he would say it was his honor to be your daddy.  

Your Daddy and I are quite opposites on most everything.  I am outgoing and loud, he is more reserved.  I am messy, he is neat.  He likes slapstick (dumb) comedy, and I prefer dramas.  I like to spend money, he likes to save money.  I make quick decisions, and your daddy researches the crap out of anything he buys.  He even checked the reviews on a crunchy peanut butter he wanted to try.  I love rollercoasters and anything that makes your stomach drop, and your daddy does not like to leave the ground.  Your daddy is always the cautious one.  He always checked your car seat to make sure your straps were tight.  He made sure your toys were put together the right way.  He is also the more rational parent.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a funeral because I couldn’t imagine doing it.  He was the one that said, “Haddie deserves a funeral, it will be the hardest thing we have ever done, but let’s do it for Haddie.” 

To us your Daddy is superman, our constant and rock, he can build anything, make your boo boos better, and can fix anything that is broken. Today your Daddy said, “It hurts me that I can’t fix this for you. It’s really hard for me to see you in such pain.”  This is the one thing he can’t fix or make better, Bo Bo.  He would trade places with you in a second and so would I.  

When someone dies you try to always look for the good. Maybe they had been sick and suffering and now they are at peace or in a “Better Place”.   This was not the case for you, Haddie.  You weren’t sick or suffering.  You were bouncing, laughing, squealing, when I looked at you I saw life.  There is nothing happy about you not being here.  You were 9 months old, 2 days shy of being 10 months.  Don’t get me wrong if you can’t be here with us of course I am so glad you are with Jesus.  Babies shouldn’t die.  Sometimes your sister will play with you and it makes me wonder if you are able to come and visit. 

“Haddie get the bubbles, right there, Haddie, get em.” She says. 

 I have never really been open to this before, but when something like this happens you really hold on to any hope or possibility. 

It was our greatest joy to be your parents.  Even though it was for a short time and while we walk this earth we won’t know why you were taken so soon.  Your Daddy said, “Even if I had known she would only be here 9 months I would still do it all over again.” 

We love you baby girl...

Love, 

Mama

Photos taken by Color Splash Studio