Remembering Haddie Permanently

Haddie Bo Bo,

It's been 14 days with out you.  Before this tragedy happened to our family I always thought it was odd when people wanted to wear jewelry with their loved ones ashes in it.  But now I want everything or anything that will help me remember you, or help me feel like you are close.  So yesterday we got tattoos that will help us always remember you.  

I got 7 dots on my left wrist that represent your 7 little teeth that bit me so often.  When I look at this tattoo it will also remind me of your huge, toothy grin that greeted me every morning.  It will also remind me of the time you bit Elo on the bum and left a welt.  Elo took it like a champ and told us all that, "Haddie eat me".  We know that you only "ate" the people you loved.  

The 2nd tattoo I got is on my side near my heart.  When Daddy and I dedicated you at church we wrote you letter telling you our hopes, wants, and dreams for your life.  The very last line of the letter says, "Living life with you is our greatest joy."  So I had "Living life with you" tattooed on my side.  Haddie there is no healing from this wound.  We may learn to function better day by day in this life without you, but it will always hurt that you aren't here. There is now and will forever be a huge part of me missing.  I promise that I will live each day missing you, loving you, and remembering you.  I want to talk about you, I want people to ask about you.  You were and are so special to our family and even though you aren't physically here you will always be a part of our family and our identity.  I don't want people to act as if you never existed.  I don't want people to avoid mentioning your name.  I am proud of you and your life.  People tend to not know what to say, or not want to upset me.  Well guess what I'm already upset.  People might say something that makes me cry and that's ok.  There will be times when I cry, tear up, or just plain loose it.  Your not here and this was not how God intended it to be.  But right now this is my reality and its OK that I'm sad.   

Daddy got your little hand print on his heart.  It reminds me of the times you slept in his arms with your hand on his heart.  It's so hard to see your Daddy hurting and missing you.  He described his pain like an old puzzle that will eventually be put back together but will always be missing some pieces.  

We will never be whole again on this earth.  I will live life with you for as long as I am alive I promise, Hads.  

Love,

Mama